So you like chemistry puns…

captainriz:

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aviculor:

clannyphantom:

why do teenage boys go through that phase where they just imitate female moaning noises

it’s the only way they can hear it

lukehemmingssmut:

this really cute customer came in today and i asked him how he was paying and he said ‘hasta la visa baby’ and then he blushed and cleared his throat and was like ‘um.. visa please’ and i kinda wanna marry him

Guy on train: I'd fuck you if you didn't have so many tattoos.
Me: *turns up music*
Guy: I said I'd fuck you if you didn't have so many tattoos!
Me: *takes off headphones* Leave. Me. Alone.
Guy: Why the fuck do you have so many tattoos?
Me:
Guy: Are you fucking deaf as well as a piece of trash?
Lady by door: Hey. Leave her alone.
Guy: Are you her trash girlfriend? Fucking dykes, all tattooed like fucking men. Disgusting waste of pussy.
Lady: *moves forward, carefully moves jacket so only I can see the badge on her belt* Are you okay?
Me: Fine. Just wish he'd go away.
Lady cop: I can make that happen.
Guy: Oh, yeah, bitch? Who the fuck are you? I'll kill you!
Lady cop: And that's what I was waiting for. *grabs guy, holds him against the door* Harassing women on the train was enough, but you just threatened a cop. You're battin' a thousand tonight.
Entire train: *applauds*

mrtwentington:

skepticalavenger:

whats-an-algebra:

do atheists say oh my god

yep.  we say it any time we hear something that’s unbelievable.

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(Source: mondaysarepeopletoo)

skeletongrazed:

skeletongrazed:

what’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants ?

one’s a crusty bus station and one’s a busty crustacean

(Source: maquisleader)

everyoneinthetardis:

onna4:

David Tennant with his wife

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David Tennant without his wife

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She’s back!

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I’ve been laughing at this for three years

ready-4-freddy:

daftlypunk:

i hit my coworkers shoulder lightly and he was like “you’re going to make me cry like a girl” and i was like “what’s wrong with being a girl?” and he was quiet for a moment then he looked into the distance and whispered “the social standards they’re forced to live by”

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gayalienprince:

when someone tells you their favorite candy, listen. write it down if you have to. remember it. when you know they’re having a shitty day, buy it for them. be the best human you can be; buy your friends their favorite candy when they really, really need it and don’t even know it.

wannabefashionjournalist:

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It's just like you said, Sugawara-san!

(Source: captainsawamura)

thelovenotebook:

More good vibes here

(Source: weheartit.com)

awkward-fallen-angel:

spooniestrong:

electricarc:

view fullsize

Been playing with this concept for a while.

I love this. So much.

this should be posted everywhere

jeankd:

beautifullyburnedxo:

sailordirtbag:

before you date a girl with a mental illness, remember: saying, “you’re beautiful” won’t balance the chemicals in her brain.

and don’t fucking say, “i’ll be here for you, no matter what,” if you don’t mean it.

don’t think you’re fixing her by saying, “i love you.” because you’re not

This needs more notes.

All of it, but mostly the bolded

(Source: bonycat)